Why most April Fools jokes don’t work and these will.

April Fools Day. The one time of year you pretend awful shit happened, scare the crap out of people, say it was all a joke, and it’s all socially acceptable and they have to laugh and it’s their fault they fell for it. 
 
Like most humans, you woke up today and thought, “Oh shit, it’s April first and I haven’t come up with an elaborate scheme to trick someone into shitting his pants and then rescinding the horror at the last second so I can just stand there, superior, and laugh maniacally.” But the sad fact is that even if you did come up with a brilliant prank, it probably would have fallen short.
 
After years of research, the Intergalactic Business Report has determined the number one reason April Fools jokes fail is because they are done with someone you know. But when used on total strangers, the rate of effectiveness increases by something like a million percent. This year, instead of approaching co-workers, family, and friends, try these ten sure-fire jokes on people you don’t know. You’ll be blown away by their reactions before you magnanimously release their fears by shouting “April Fools!” 
 
1. “You called for a repairman? No? Well, they paid me up front so I may as well just come in and fix stuff.” (Go inside and pretend to repair things until it gets really awkward. Then start screaming April Fools!”) 

2. “I’m commandeering your car! Get the fuck out! I’m not police. I’m just commandeering it.”  (Bring the car back after you round the block. Then let out your gut-relieving April Fools call.) 

3. “I would never approach someone I don’t know like this but I’m a doctor and that thing on your face is malignant and I’d like to study it before you die.” (Look concerned. That’s key.) 

4. “Oh my god. I think my penis just fell off. Can you help me look for it?” (Try to appear genuinely worried and keep checking your crotch. Nope. It’s not there anymore.)  

5. “I’ll pay you five-hundred bucks to take a picture of my butt hole.”  (Hold back the “April Fools” till you hear the camera click.) 

6. “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a dude back there who’s been following you for about three blocks. I’m pretty sure he’s gonna kill you so I would fucking run.” (Chase after for a few blocks until your “victim” gets tired. Then yell, “I’m the dude!” Then yell, “April Fools!”) 

7. "Hey! Let me out of your trunk! Hey! I’m in your trunk!"(When he opens it, look dead or passed out. Make him revive you before you do the April Fools thing.) 

8. "Can I get three extra-large soups and all your waffle fries? Haw. Just kidding. Give me a medium soup. No fries. Small drink." (No need to even say April Fools for this one. You’ve done your job and it should stand alone.) 

9. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but as I was getting into my car I noticed some guys attaching a bomb or something to your undercarriage. You probably don’t want to start that thing.”  

​10. “This is a fucking robbery! Get the fuck down! Everybody empty their fucking pockets and throw the money in this hat!” (Try to bring a really distinctive hat because it makes a huge difference.)

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