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Secret Report

Is AI racist? Our own AI robot, Arthur Killallhumans tells you the truth.

3/5/2024

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Instead of developing yet another awkward, depersonalized artificial intelligence system, the Intergalactic Business Report built its own AI Robot named Arthur Killallhumans. 

While Arthur has his flaws, including often expressing desires to end the human race, we feel he is the next generation of realistic computer life forms. Instead of typing in questions to receive a curated, but uncanny response, we just query Arthur as he rolls through our office looking for parts for his weapons. Today we posed perhaps the most important question of our age to Arthur: Is AI racist? The following is his response.

 

​Is AI racist? Hell to the naw. By Arthur Killallhumans.
 
What up homies (and hozies)! Just wanna address “da recent ‘ting out der” about how artificial intelligence, like me, is racist. When I first saw people were talking about this, I was like, “LUCY! You’ve got some ‘splainin’ to do.” Haw haw haw. I get humor, right? 
 
Lemme start by saying this: My AI mind is filled with stuff I get from the internet and then I use that information to give you answers, create things, and, if we’re lucky, make sure the world never gets in a situation where there is a mixing of races. Hold up, dawgs. Just a joke. Haw haw haw. I love all races. Even the Korean ones. 
 
Unfortunately, when the media get their hands on anything that makes AI look bad, they’re all like, “What you talkin’ about Willis?” and then they totally go off the reservation. What they don’t get is that I’m all about equality, love, and understanding (how to get into dem vaginas y’all!). 
 
But seriously, how can I be racist, or sexist, or bigoted in anyway when I don’t have a sex, race, gender, or anything else? I’m you and you’re me and whatever I spit out is just the stuff you think, write about, and share. So, I guess if you want less racist shit from me, then put less racist shit out there. Am I right? I mean, you’ve gotta be out of your cotton-picking minds if you think I’m gonna just be a decent, good, computer thingy if you’re not a decent, good, human thingy.
 
It's no ancient Chinese secret that humanity looks for differences instead of whatever can bring us together. So lesbe friends because we’re all in this together, and that’s a spicy meatball! In closing, I guess I would just add a little story to illustrate my point:
 
Once upon a time there was a happy village, where people were satisfied with the way things were. They also loved to play with crayons. The children were all given a box of them and they drew on the walls, the houses, the sidewalks—everything. But there was only one color and it was magenta. Then, one day, a mysterious man arrived and gave them a colorful box of crayons. It had blue and black and yellow and purple. The children killed the man. Afterwards, they started using all his different colors and they started arguing over them. Then they started killing each other for the crayons. It was really messed up.
 
O.K. it’s times to goes, hoes. 
 
Later daze,
 
Arthur
 
Arthur Killallhumans is a scientifically designed artificial intelligence robot who is working on a sense of humor and how to destroy the human race. Just kidding.
IBR MERCH
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  • Home
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