In an interview that will shake the medical world, the Intergalactic Business Report speaks with Dr. Garrett Soleziak, an epidemiologist and doctor of infectious diseases at a well-known American university. Dr. Soleziak believes that Coronavirus is over and that what we are seeing today are “residual effects of a psychosomatic trauma.” Although the discussion took place over three and a half hours, we have excerpted the highlights below:
INTERVIEWER: Dr. Soleziak, thank you for your time. I know you’re very busy right now. DR. SOLEZIAK: Not really. INTERVIEWER: You’re not really busy? DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah, that’s right. INTERVIEWER: I’d think during a pandemic a doctor with your background would have a lot on his hands. You’re saying that’s not the case? DR. SOLEZIAK: No. I mean, yes, that’s not the case. INTERVIEWER: So, let’s talk about Coronavirus. DR. SOLEZIAK: Let’s not! INTERVIEWER: You’re a funny guy. And, I’m guessing, a great doctor too? DR. SOLEZIAK: I’ll take “funny guy.” INTERVIEWER: Seriously though. You said something to me before this interview about the Coronavirus. DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah. INTERVIEWER: Yeah what? DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah, I said something. INTERVIEWER: Would you say it again? DR. SOLEZIAK: Sure. INTERVIEWER: Go ahead. DR. SOLEZIAK: Am I getting paid for this? INTERVIEWER: (TO SOMEONE IN ANOTHER ROOM) Is Garrett getting paid for this? DR. SOLEZIAK: Someone said I’m getting paid. INTERVIEWER: Yeah. Yeah. I’m guessing that’s accurate. DR. SOLEZIAK: That I’m getting paid? INTERVIEWER: Yeah. DR. SOLEZIAK: Good. INTERVIEWER: Listen, can we just talk about the Coronavirus for a second? DR. SOLEZIAK: Whatever. Sure, I guess. INTERVIEWER: You told me earlier you think it’s gone? DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah. INTERVIEWER: Like it’s not here anymore? DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah. INTERVIEWER: So, Coronavirus is over? DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah. INTERVIEWER: Could you explain that a little? DR. SOLEZIAK: It’s like it was here and then it wasn’t. Or isn’t. I don’t know which tense is right to say that. INTERVIEWER: How did you come to that conclusion? That Coronavirus is gone? DR. SOLEZIAK: Medical studies. Mostly that. INTERVIEWER: Can you just say what we fucking told you to say? DR. SOLEZIAK: The stuff about psycho… Psychopaths or something? INTERVIEWER: Jesus. Read off the paper. DR. SOLEZIAK: The handwriting is hard to understand… INTERVIEWER: It’s fucking typed, Garrett. DR. SOLEZIAK: I’m not reading this. INTERVIEWER: Then you’re definitely not getting paid. DR. SOLEZIAK: If I could read or write, do you think I’d be doing this shit for you? INTERVIEWER: You can’t read? DR. SOLEZIAK: Or write. INTERVIEWER: Yeah. That usually goes together. DR. SOLEZIAK: Hold on. I’m going to try… Hold on… The reason we don’t have Coronavirus anymore… Is… INTERVIEWER: Good. Keep going. DR. SOLEZIAK: Is because of psychopaths…? INTERVIEWER: Fuck you, Garrett. We’re done. DR. SOLEZIAK: At least take me to Taco Bell. |
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