Coronavirus may have ended. IBR’s own infectious disease doctor has stunning news.

In an interview that will shake the medical world, the Intergalactic Business Report speaks with Dr. Garrett Soleziak, an epidemiologist and doctor of infectious diseases at a well-known American university. Dr. Soleziak believes that Coronavirus is over and that what we are seeing today are “residual effects of a psychosomatic trauma.” Although the discussion took place over three and a half hours, we have excerpted the highlights below:
 
 
INTERVIEWER: Dr. Soleziak, thank you for your time. I know you’re very busy right now.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Not really.
 
INTERVIEWER: You’re not really busy?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah, that’s right. 
 
INTERVIEWER: I’d think during a pandemic a doctor with your background would have a lot on his hands. You’re saying that’s not the case?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: No. I mean, yes, that’s not the case.
 
INTERVIEWER: So, let’s talk about Coronavirus. 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Let’s not!
 
INTERVIEWER: You’re a funny guy. And, I’m guessing, a great doctor too?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: I’ll take “funny guy.”
 
INTERVIEWER: Seriously though. You said something to me before this interview about the Coronavirus.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah.
 
INTERVIEWER: Yeah what?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah, I said something. 
 
INTERVIEWER: Would you say it again?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Sure.
 
INTERVIEWER: Go ahead.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Am I getting paid for this?
 
INTERVIEWER: (TO SOMEONE IN ANOTHER ROOM) Is Garrett getting paid for this?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Someone said I’m getting paid.
 
INTERVIEWER: Yeah. Yeah. I’m guessing that’s accurate.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: That I’m getting paid?
 
INTERVIEWER: Yeah.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Good. 
 
INTERVIEWER: Listen, can we just talk about the Coronavirus for a second? 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Whatever. Sure, I guess.
 
INTERVIEWER: You told me earlier you think it’s gone?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah.
 
INTERVIEWER: Like it’s not here anymore? 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah.
 
INTERVIEWER: So, Coronavirus is over?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Yeah.
 
INTERVIEWER: Could you explain that a little?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: It’s like it was here and then it wasn’t. Or isn’t. I don’t know which tense is right to say that.
 
INTERVIEWER: How did you come to that conclusion? That Coronavirus is gone?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Medical studies. Mostly that.
 
INTERVIEWER: Can you just say what we fucking told you to say?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: The stuff about psycho… Psychopaths or something?
 
INTERVIEWER: Jesus. Read off the paper. 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: The handwriting is hard to understand…
 
INTERVIEWER: It’s fucking typed, Garrett. 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: I’m not reading this. 
 
INTERVIEWER: Then you’re definitely not getting paid.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: If I could read or write, do you think I’d be doing this shit for you?
 
INTERVIEWER: You can’t read?
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Or write.
 
INTERVIEWER: Yeah. That usually goes together.
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Hold on. I’m going to try… Hold on… The reason we don’t have Coronavirus anymore… Is… 
 
INTERVIEWER: Good. Keep going. 
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: Is because of psychopaths…?
 
INTERVIEWER: Fuck you, Garrett. We’re done.  
 
DR. SOLEZIAK: At least take me to Taco Bell. 

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