Costco. That place where you walk out three hundred dollars poorer but also gained a 32 pack of butter and a 73-pound bag of Dino Nuggets. In this mystical realm of warehouse deals on shit there’s no way you need, it’s easy to get mesmerized by bonus boxes of chips, dips, and Redi-Whip, making consumers desperate for clues on how to navigate the madness.
In a top-secret operation, the Intergalactic Business Report went underground and undercover to investigate items in the store you should avoid. The next time you see any of the following, don’t fall for the slick packaging, too-good-to-be-true offer, or mouth-watering advertisements.
10 items you should NEVER buy at Costco.
Jeff Tanner’s meat company Turkey with Jizz Sauce.
New Insights Mafia phone book.
Hellraiser puzzle cube.
Buzz Electronics rat attractor signal.
Dynamax surprise you’re getting buttfucked bed attachment.
True Feed bull penis clamp.
Big Rick’s real live dick.
Well-fed Larry’s unsliced ass meat (au jus)
Full pizza condom (not guaranteed)
Bert Logely’s butthole-aged tater tots.
Reports so secret we hide them on this page.