The Intergalactic Business Report announces a special alert that there is a real life Michael Myers on the loose again.
We guess. Because there must be some people named Michael Myers in real life, right? And they would be “on the loose” we assume. So, technically, our headline is accurate.
The part where we say “again” kind of implies that he wasn’t on the loose for a time and in a way, that’s a little deceptive, so we apologize. On the other hand, it’s possible that there’s someone somewhere named Michael Myers who was locked up and is now out there, which means that he could be dangerous.
So, when you really start thinking about it, there’s actually a real life Michael Myers on the loose (again) and he might kill you. Probably not, we hope, but there’s always that possibility. So we’re warning you.
If someone named Michael Myers does do something, we wrote about it first, right here, by the way.
Reports so secret we hide them on this page.