Update: Mongolian Death Worm sets its sights on America

The dangers the Mongolian Death Worm pose are quickly growing more and more terrifying. In previous articles we have pointed out the outrageous horror that this creature brings to our planet, and how its super intelligence, stealth, and shitty attitude make it a predator unmatched in the history of the world. 
 
Now the Mongolian Death Worm may be setting its sights on America. Here’s how:
 
1. Mongolian immigration is out of control. You may have noticed in recent years the proliferation of Yurts and Mongolian Barbeques as hordes of Mongols sweep into our nation.
 
2. It is a common (and deadly!) practice for these Mongols to keep death worms as pets, and they pack them in their suitcases when they come to America. Immigration officials often mistake the death worms as fleshy walking sticks or adult toys, as they stiffen on purpose to conceal themselves.
 
3. Many death worms have been trained to obey basic commands, but only in Mongolian. Do you know how to speak Mongolian? We’re going to guess the answer is “fuck no.” Too bad, because that’s your only slim chance of avoiding death when one of these slithers into your home. 

4. Mongolian Death Worms hate America. Scientists have released new evidence that the Mongolian Death Worm exhibits extreme hate and distrust around most Americans. Although further studies are being conducted, early findings suggest that one reason may be that they despise us for our way of life and are envious of what we have.