Sometimes you see things listed for sale on the internet and you think, “this couldn’t possibly be real.” And then you buy a cloak of invisibility, just to see. We found, bought, and paid for one. And here are the results.
1. At first you wonder about the quality, but soon after you don’t give a shit. When we opened the box and pulled out the cloak, it looked like it was made of really shoddy material. And it had a terrible puke color. As well as a puke odor. We kind of just wanted to put it back in the box and maybe burn the box. But then we started not caring so much and tried it on anyway. Is it possible that the cloak had powers that were drawing us to it, even though it was clearly thrown up upon and nasty?
2. It seems to work, at least at first. We put the cloak on and some of our testers mentioned that they could see the wearer’s face. So he put the thing over his face. Then he looked like a huge yellow blanket with something underneath it. He moved around. It was like a huge yellow blanket, moving around. But the person underneath was totally not visible. Which means he was invisible, right?
3. We put the wearer in someone’s apartment and didn’t tell the owner. When he arrived home, our tester was covered in the invisibility cloak and lying in a corner. He went undetected for three days. So, it worked.
4. It’s hard to eat while wearing an invisibility cloak. Obviously, in order to be invisible, you need to have the cloak covering your face. Your options for eating become limited. We found that if you carry food into the cloak with you, you can eat it “inside” the cloak. Another idea was to cut a mouth hole in the cloak and feed food into it. That seemed to work best although sometimes the wearer’s mouth was visible.
5. On the street, you need to move fast or you may be detected. We found that once we took the cloak of invisibility outside, it was less effective. People would sometimes point or shout at us and even seem angry if our cloak wearer accidentally ran into them. We also found it difficult to be served food, because, even with the mouth hole cut into the fabric, very few street vendors were willing to put their hands near the hole to feed us.
6. Conclusion. It works. Go ahead and buy one and you can basically be invisible.
Reports so secret we hide them on this page.