Everyone is in sales. That’s what people who say “everyone is in sales” say. This revelation has led the Intergalactic Business Report to issue never-before-seen guidance on how to counter common sales objections that would usually leave you defeated and weak.
Instead of cowering to negative responses, program these scripted retorts into your brain and get a “yes” every time.
CUSTOMER: I’m sorry. Do I know you?
YOU: Does anyone really know anyone?
CUSTOMER: Can you please get away from my car?
YOU: It’s a free country. And your car is in it.
CUSTOMER: I’m going to call the cops.
YOU: Call me instead. I can be here in zero seconds.
CUSTOMER: Are you mentally ill?
YOU: In 1980’s rap terminology, yes. Also in present-day American Psychological Association terminology.
CUSTOMER: Are you drunk?
YOU: Only if I have my penis out. Yup. I’m drunk.
CUSTOMER: If you touch me I will kick your ass.
YOU: If you kick me I will touch your ass.
CUSTOMER: What did you do to my car?
YOU: Just drew a picture of a penis on it. It’s called customization.
CUSTOMER: You smell like shit.
YOU: That says more about the shit than about me.
CUSTOMER: Did you just take a dump on the hood of my car?
CUSTOMER: Put your hands behind your head and get on your knees.
YOU: That would make it almost impossible for me to masturbate.
The only business news in the universe that matters.