THE INTERGALACTIC BUSINESS REPORT
  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR

Business news and advice that go beyond our galaxy.

10 responses to customer objections that work every single time.

8/17/2022

Comments

 
Picture
​Everyone is in sales. That’s what people who say “everyone is in sales” say. This revelation has led the Intergalactic Business Report to issue never-before-seen guidance on how to counter common sales objections that would usually leave you defeated and weak.
 
Instead of cowering to negative responses, program these scripted retorts into your brain and get a “yes” every time. 
 
 
CUSTOMER: I’m sorry. Do I know you?
YOU: Does anyone really know anyone? 
 
CUSTOMER: Can you please get away from my car?
YOU: It’s a free country. And your car is in it.
 
CUSTOMER: I’m going to call the cops.
YOU: Call me instead. I can be here in zero seconds.
 
CUSTOMER: Are you mentally ill?
YOU: In 1980’s rap terminology, yes. Also in present-day American Psychological Association terminology. 
 
CUSTOMER: Are you drunk? 
YOU: Only if I have my penis out. Yup. I’m drunk.
 
CUSTOMER: If you touch me I will kick your ass.
YOU: If you kick me I will touch your ass.
 
CUSTOMER: What did you do to my car?
YOU: Just drew a picture of a penis on it. It’s called customization.
 
CUSTOMER: You smell like shit.
YOU: That says more about the shit than about me.
 
CUSTOMER: Did you just take a dump on the hood of my car?
YOU: No.
 
CUSTOMER: Put your hands behind your head and get on your knees.
YOU: That would make it almost impossible for me to masturbate. 
IBR MERCH
Comments

    About

    The only business news in the universe that matters.

    Archives

    March 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    March 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR