Much like a sitcom where the characters are stuck in an elevator and keep flashing back to previous episodes, we take the time to review all the things we wrote about this year so that we don’t have to do an article that takes time or thought.
2021 was a year that saw some stuff. And we covered it.
We began the year with some drama involving columnist Ed Mountaineer, who announced he was moving to lame, quasi-intellectual publication McSweeney’s. Lucky for McSweeney’s, Ed was back to our lame, anti-intellectual publication by March.
The world saw the full force of “cancel culture,” which pushed Cedric Bigglestone to cancel himself. Ed Mountaineer, fresh back from McSweeney’s, also had to issue an apology for his discussion of black holes. Meanwhile, some t.v. shows you’ve never heard of were also given the ax and in a defiant, anti-woke column, writer Mike Thompson threatened to kill everyone with his penis.
We did some brain science, showed you how to be more attractive, and shared psychological tricks for how to get what you want. We also scientifically told you what happens when you stop pooping for a week and issued our own dementia test.
As Covid waged and waned and waged again, we told you how to get a coveted anal swabbing test, advised you on travel, presented the newest, most fucked up variants, and found that good old-fashioned magic may be the best defense against the virus.
August marked our first ever “Drunk People Awareness Month,” and offered tips on how to respect and appreciate drunks.
We reported on a totally screwed royal family, ranked the 4th of July as the best 4th of any month, interviewed a killer robot, found new constitutional rights we didn’t realize we even had, covered a new wealth trend where rich men adopt bitchy daughters as a status symbol, and brought to you the new woke practice of “tenses.”
Anyway, there was a lot of shit. Go to www.intergalacticbiz.com for much much more.
Dusty Latouffe, Supreme Editor
December is a time of holiday cheer, peace, love, and understanding. But it’s also an opportunity for scam artists to prey on lower IQ consumers like you. This week, the Intergalactic Business Report examines some of the most common confidence games hustlers are likely to play on you. Watch out this season for any of these “too good to be true” warning signs:
1. Anyone who only accepts meat as payment.
2. A merchant who sells you a sight unseen Excalibur sword.
3. Penis enlargement devices that promise they’ll make your dick as big as Santa’s.
4. Businesses that promise a one-on-one meeting with Jesus.
5. Santa Claus pays you to blow him.
6. One time offer to look down some guy’s pants.
7. A Christmas Prince wants to make you his wife, but you have to get in a van with him first.
8. A drink named after Santa’s newest reindeer, “Roofie.”
9. A 50% off Wilford Brimley cameo.
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