THE INTERGALACTIC BUSINESS REPORT
  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR

Business news and advice that go beyond our galaxy.

6 condescending things you say at work without even realizing it.

10/22/2020

Comments

 
Picture
There is a story* about a Portuguese explorer who discovered an island in the South Pacific. Warriors from a local tribe greeted his row boat as he approached the shore. Attempting to show them respect, he put his hands in the air, signifying that he meant no harm and carried no weapons. They cut off his arms. Apparently, in their culture, that meant something bad.
 
And while you’re not a dumb old Portuguese sea captain, you may be insulting people all the time and not know it. In psychology, this is called, “reverse axis signaling”** and it’s when you say something you think is a compliment or simply an innocuous comment, but it's taken as a grave insult. 
 
You may be surprised how many times you do this at work without even realizing it. The Intergalactic Business Report’s new study on reverse axis signaling shows you the 6 most common phrases you use at work every day that are actually condescending insults to your co-workers. Read these and stop saying them today.
 
 

1. “Jeff and I were talking the other day about how valuable you are to the company. It was an extremely short conversation.”  

2. 
“I enjoyed your presentation, but I was confused about the part where you were speaking.”  

3. 
“The report you showed me is really great. Did you hire a homeless person to write it for you?”  

4. 
“Those are nice pants. Looks like you have a small penis?”  

5. 
“Someone suggested we get a trained monkey to do your job, and I told them we should never do that because at least with you there’s slightly less monkey shit to clean up.”  

6. 
“Suck my motherfucking dick—I will slap your face.”


*No there isn’t.
*No it isn’t.


Buy our merch
Comments

5 merch items from the Intergalactic Business Report that are making customers feel instantly awkward and ashamed.

10/9/2020

Comments

 
Picture
For years, fans of the Intergalactic Business Report have been begging for clothing and accessories that are officially sanctioned by our award-winning magazine. Now we can tell those fans to stop begging and start buying our merch.
 
We do feel a duty to offer full disclosure about some of the items you may buy from our new online store.
 
Customers have complained about being “embarrassed” after wearing many of the high fashion apparel and feeling incredibly “awkward” around other people who they feel are judging them and staring at them almost non-stop.
 
They point to some of the following as being especially troublesome:
 
  1. A muscle shirt that claims the wearer won a “group masturbation championship” in 1998.
  2. A protective face mask that says, “Penis Tunnel Closed.”
  3. A long-sleeved shirt that claims, “Robot Lovers do it in the butt.”
  4. A tote bag that says, “Bag of Shit.”
  5. A tee-shirt that claims it’s wearer is a “registered sex pretender.”
 
While we make no apologies for how you may feel after wearing these products…. We can’t remember what we were going to say next.
 
Anyway, go to www.ibrmerch.com

Comments

"Are you a virgin? Yes or no?" Six ageist interview questions and how to respond.

10/6/2020

Comments

 
Picture
You’re not allowed to discriminate against a job applicant based on his or her age, because “ageism” is illegal. Or something like that. 
 
The next time you interview for a job, look for subtle clues that your potential employer is trying to find out just when your birthday was. The Intergalactic Business Report presents a definitive list of common age-discriminatory queries and then tells you how to respond. You’re welcome. Our guide is below:
 
 
THE SUBTLE, GENERATIONAL QUESTION: 
Here, the interviewer makes a seemingly innocuous reference to an event, phenomenon, or personality from a time period only people of a certain generation would understand, thus gauging your age by your answer.
EXAMPLE: “Which 80’s icon do you relate to more? Long Duck Dong or Long Dong Silver?”
HOW TO RESPOND: “Long Dong Silver.”
 
THE NOT SO SUBTLE, DIRECT QUESTION:
Sometimes an interviewer will simply ask about your age in a more direct way.
EXAMPLE: “You look old, motherfucker. Are you old?”
HOW TO RESPOND: If you can, throw your teeth at him. He’ll respect this.
 
THE QUESTION ABOUT YOUR EXPERIENCE:
Employers may ask a question about your experience to determine how long you’ve been working—thus making a rough calculation about your age.
EXAMPLE: “Are you a virgin? Yes or no.”
HOW TO RESPOND: “That’s private. But I’ve been with lots of people. I didn’t go all the way every time, but it’s not like I don’t have experience.”
 
THE QUESTION ABOUT YOUR SOCIAL LIFE OR LIFESTYLE:
Often your lifestyle can tell employers your age.
EXAMPLE: “Are you into no boundaries sex with old men like me?”
HOW TO RESPOND: “Yes.”
 
THE “HOW’S THE WIFE” QUESTION:
Here, the interviewer drops in a question about your spouse. Are you just married? Hitting your 50th anniversary? Spending a lot of time with the grand kids?
EXAMPLE: “Is your husband willing to have sex with me for this job?”
HOW TO RESPOND: “Are you willing to have sex with him?”
 
THE “HEALTH” QUESTION:
Your health is often attached to your age, and some employers will try to measure whether you will be a burden on their health care plan if you are at high risk for disease or hospitalization.
EXAMPLE: “If you sucked my dick for money, would you get a heart attack?”
HOW TO RESPOND: “How much money?”
Support IBR
Comments

    About

    The only business news in the universe that matters.

    Archives

    April 2025
    March 2025
    February 2025
    January 2025
    December 2024
    October 2024
    August 2024
    June 2024
    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    January 2024
    December 2023
    November 2023
    October 2023
    September 2023
    August 2023
    July 2023
    April 2023
    March 2023
    January 2023
    November 2022
    October 2022
    August 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    March 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR