 Gary Vaynerchuk’s influence on the Intergalactic Business Report is well known and we owe him a debt of gratitude for his upbeat, positive advice on business and life. His work has influenced our business editors so much that today we try to help Gary by expanding upon his already awesome quotes and making them even more powerful. Thank you, Gary. And you’re welcome. GARY V. ADVICE: “How bad do you want it?” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Do you like it like that? Yeah? You want more? Huh? You do?” GARY V. ADVICE: “Love your family, work super hard, live your passion.” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Drink your milk. Don’t share needles.” GARY V. ADVICE: “life shrinks and expands on the proportion of your willingness to take risks and try new things.” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Like your butthole.” GARY V. ADVICE: “I put zero weight into anyone’s opinion about me because I know exactly who I am. Can you say the same?” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Can you, you stupid motherfucker? Yeah, I didn’t think so.” GARY V. ADVICE: “Hustle is the most important word ever.” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED TO THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Hear that, Jesus?” GARY V. ADVICE: “Your number-one job is to tell your story to the consumer wherever they are, and preferably at the moment they are deciding to make a purchase.” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “Literally, follow a consumer around and tell him your story. Whether he’s running away from you, hiding in a bathroom stall at Walmart, or in his cubicle at work. Then just keep asking, 'Are you going to buy something? Are you?' and then go back to your story* until he’s ready to buy something only he isn’t buying something. He’s calling security.” GARY V. ADVICE: “99% of people don’t market in the year that we are actually living in.” WHAT SHOULD BE ADDED AT THE END OF THE QUOTE: “So if you market in the year 1799, charge no more than three haypennies for your wares.” *Just a quick idea for your story: Maybe something about a girl and a guy and they meet and don’t like each other at first but then they realize it’s more like they have an attraction and then… That sucks. Maybe it could be where a special forces guy is called back to duty in order to save his daughter who’s been kidnapped by his old nemesis only it’s not the plot of Commando. It’s different.  When doing business abroad, it’s easy to forget where you are and come off as “insensitive” to local customs. The Intergalactic Business Report prides itself on its cultural awareness and for years has invested in studies that explore the subtleties of overseas traditions and behaviors. This week we offer you insights into Europe and what to avoid doing when you’re there. Much of our seemingly normal behavior back home can be read as insulting in many of the uptight countries you may visit. These 16 common blunders could turn your business trip into an international incident, so beware:
 You’ve seen the commercials for silver and gold. They feature trustworthy old actors you think you know from somewhere and they promise financial stability to those who invest in their precious metals. But a new financial study conducted by the Intergalactic Business Report reveals that the real metal you should have in your portfolio is bronze. Here’s why: 1. There’s a gold medal, a silver medal, and a bronze medal. Bronze is still pretty good. It’s way better than fourth place, because fourth place doesn’t even get a medal. In fact, if you were in the Olympics and came in fourth, you’d probably kill to get bronze. If you have no bronze in your portfolio then you’re in fourth place in life. 2. You can buy bronze at Home Depot. Just go to a store or online and get any number of bronze items including a bronze toilet paper holder or a two handle faucet. If you’re a pervert, buy something called “oil rubbed” bronze. 3. The woman in “Goldfinger” died because she was painted gold. Meanwhile, millions of people use bronzer to make themselves look tan and beautiful. And not dead. 4. Bronze rhymes with Fonz, the coolest person ever. What does gold rhyme with? Old? As in, "What an old nut sack you have.” And Silver? That’s right. Nothing rhymes with silver because it’s so lame no other words wanted to rhyme with it. 5. In “Treasure Island” the guy who acted like he was super nice but turned out to be a total dick was Long John Silver. Just like real silver. 6. “Long Dong” Silver had a huge dick. Pretty cool, but this is the only thing cool about silver. 7. Gold and silver are the Nazis of metal. Bronze, which is a melting pot of different metals, is an alloy, which means it is open to other cultures and races. Because of this, it is banned from the prejudiced periodic table of the elements. Do you really want to buy bigoted metals for your portfolio? Suit yourself, Hitler. |
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