13 phrases you should immediately start slipping into office meetings.

Office lingo sucks, and we’re all tired of hearing people use their mouth holes to utter neologisms about scaling things, missing opportunities, and talking offline. To remedy this, The Intergalactic Business Report gives you 13 new phrases that you can easily slip into your next mission critical meeting.
 
1. Replace “drop the ball” with “drop the soap.” Example sentence: “Let’s not drop the soap on this new opportunity.” 
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2. Say, “We’re going be late to the gangbang…” instead of calling something a “missed opportunity.” For instance: “If we don’t act now, we’re going to be late to the gangbang.” 

3. “I’m ready to shoot my load all over this…” opportunity, project, whatever. 

4. Replace “meet and greet” with “rub and tug.” 
 
5. Instead of “thinking outside the box,” say, “try fucking a different hole.” Example: “I really want everyone on our team to try fucking a different hole on this project.”
 
6. Don’t talk about a “come to Jesus” moment or meeting. Just say, “spit or swallow.” Example: “I think we’re going to have to have a spit or swallow conversation with Jeff tomorrow.” 

7. Replace, “rock star” with “porn star.” All your “rock stars” will thank you. 

8. Instead of “stay in your lane,” say “stop fucking the boss’s wife.” For instance: “Rhonda? You need to stop fucking the boss’s wife.”
 
9. Don’t say “low hanging fruit,” when you can say, “low hanging balls.” 

10. “Bleeding edge” becomes “severe gonorrhea” as in, “We don’t want tech that’s just up to date – we want severe gonorrhea.” 

11. “Game changer” is now “a dildo with artificial intelligence.” That would be a game changer, right?
 
12. Instead of “synergy”, say “group orgasm.” Example: “I think we need to try to get more of a group orgasm going between corporate and the regional offices.” 

13. Don’t talk about “moving parts” when you can say “dicks and holes at this orgy.” As in: “We need to be careful, because there are a lot of dicks and holes at this orgy.”