Are you a person who gets paid to tell other people what to do and if they don’t you can fire them if the person who gets paid to tell you what to do says it’s o.k.? Stop looking like a chump and begin a new reign of effectiveness as you deliver the “M” to your employees with these 7 hot as lava power phrases.
1. “My wee wee is cookoo for this meeting.” Tell your employees how excited you are to be with them in the conference room with this cool turn of phrase.
2. “Your powerpoint presentation just made my dick crawl back inside my stomach.” This means the presentation was below your high standards and you encourage the presenter to try again.
3. “I guess I need to rethink my masturbation location.” Say this if you walk into a room you thought was free, but is occupied. Then leave.
4. “I hired you because I think you’re hot and that maybe you’d date me.” In this context, the word “hot” means a high performing worker and “date me” means contribute a lot to this work environment.
5. “I have no problem having everyone here literally killed if they say anything about me using my penis as a pointer during my sexual harassment presentation.” This is just a wordy, but more powerful, way to tell your team you hope they will not be afraid to ask you questions about serious workplace issues that affect us all.
6. “Hey, nerd. Fix this shit or I’ll shove a floppy disk up your poop shoot.” IT people can be difficult to communicate with, so use this flashy sentence to cut right through to their computer brains.
7. “Your dress is so low cut that it’s what I call a booby trap!” Show women in your office that you have a sense of humor and can kid around a little. You’re not just an uptight bossman. You’re also a jokester who can use the word booby to make a joke about women’s breasts.
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