9 fresh alternatives for business terms you need to start using today.

You’re in a meeting and you want to say something smart, but your vocabulary is limited to whatever people in your office say. Feel trapped? Don’t. Instead, follow the Intergalactic Business Report’s fresh new updates on tired old work phrases. Use them. Don’t lose them. 
 
 
PHRASE: “That’s not my bailiwick.”  
WHAT IT MEANS: That’s not my area of responsibility or expertise.
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: ​"That won’t fit in my butthole.”
 
PHRASE: “That’s in your wheelhouse.”
WHAT IT MEANS: That’s your area of responsibility or expertise.
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “I don’t suck dicks but I know you do.”
 
PHRASE: “Let’s take this offline.”
WHAT IT MEANS: Let’s have an informal conversation about this later.
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “Let’s masturbate together in my office at four o’clock.”
 
PHRASE: “If I’m being honest…”
WHAT IT MEANS: I’m about to tell you the truth about something. 
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “I have many sexually transmitted diseases and I’m into really weird and probably illegal sex acts.”
 
PHRASE: “I don’t want to throw Randy under the bus, but…”
WHAT IT MEANS: “I don’t want to unfairly criticize or put all the blame on Randy, but…”
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “I don’t want to pull down my pants right now and slap Randy in the face with my semi-soft penis, but…”
 
PHRASE: “I don’t like the optics.”
WHAT IT MEANS: I don’t like the way this makes things look or appear. 
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “My penis looks small. But maybe if I photographed it at a better angle it would look huge. Or just slightly bigger. Can I borrow someone's iPhone?”
 
PHRASE: “How do we incent this?”
WHAT IT MEANS: How do we make this an attractive option people will be encouraged to do?
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “Does anyone have any drugs on them?”
 
PHRASE: “Let’s look at this from the 30,000 foot view…”
WHAT IT MEANS: Let’s try to see this broadly by stepping back a bit.
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “Let’s get under the bleachers and see if we can get some footage of people’s nuts for my Web cam show.”
 
PHRASE: “Let’s get our ducks in a row.”
WHAT IT MEANS: “Let’s get organized and prepared.”
FRESH ALTERNATIVE PHRASE: “I’m too hairy for this orgy. I need to trim down first.”