You’re having a rough day at work and you wonder if it’s time to move on. But what if you’re wrong and this is the place you’re meant to be? Don’t let indecision stop you from making a life-changing decision. This week, the Intergalactic Business Report tells you definitively when it’s time to walk away. These signs may be subtle, but they are clear indicators that you need to quit today.
1. When you wake up, a guy is lying with you in bed and says, “Quit your job,” and then he does the thing where he pantomime slits his own throat, meaning that he’s going to slit yours? We never understood how that works.
2. When you enter your office, several skeletons rise and escort you to your desk.
3. The VP for Human Resources makes it very clear you need to suck her dick or you won’t get a promotion.
4. A dead prostitute falls on you when you try to hang up your coat.
5. In your break room, a man points a gun, instructs you to finish his fruit loops, pushes the bowl towards you, and when someone else enters the room he quickly hides the gun, pulls the bowl back, and just keeps eating.
6. Your new office has a hot tub with a turd floating in it.
7. Your caller ID says you have 347 messages from the Mafia.
8. When you enter the restroom, you hear the door lock behind you.
9. Nobody is allowed to have a name except your boss, Jesus Number Two.
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