Recently, an anonymous billionaire* stopped by the Intergalactic Business Report offices** to share his advice on how to become almost instantly wealthy. We were skeptical at first, but after a few minutes couldn’t believe some of the secrets he revealed. Below, read some of the most mind-stopping revelations we learned:
1. Being rich has nothing to do with money. Being wealthy is how much money you have. Being poor is how little money you have. Being “rich” however, has nothing to do with money at all. For instance, when you eat a dessert that has a lot of sugar in it, you may say, “Wow. That’s rich.” Clearly, a cupcake or slice of cake does not have money.
2. Believe it or not, even the wealthiest people in America don’t “make” any money. Most money is made on machines by the federal reserve. This means that all the money out there is actually just paper printed on massive money-making machines. Are you a machine? Even if you are, it’s highly unlikely that you are the kind of machine that makes money for the federal reserve.
3. You can eat money. Ever wonder why people call money cabbage, dough, or cheese? It’s because you can actually eat money. Just put it in your mouth and eat it. Seriously. It tastes terrible, and there are probably traces of cocaine and feces all over it, but you can eat it.
4. If you leave a tip at a restaurant, it can be up to 20% of your total bill (or more!). Next time you’re out to eat and decide to leave a “tip,” be aware that this is extra money you’re paying on top of your regular bill. This means that in addition to the cost of your meal, you are agreeing to give even more money to the waiter or waitress. That’s crazy, right?
5. A “money clip” is a device that holds your cash in a “clip.” This can be useful if you carry bills around with you. Look into it.
6. The term, “You’re so money,” does not mean you are actually money. That would be impossible since money means coins and bills. You can’t be those because you are a human.
**A bar where we were drinking.
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