A job description is your entry point into the world and culture of a company or organization, so make sure you pay attention to the nuances, subtleties, and key words it is projecting. In its most extensive analysis ever of human resources language and lingo, the Intergalactic Business Report identifies nine certain warning signs in a position description and even job title. We list them below:
9 job description warning signs.
When potential employers use this phrase, they are euphemistically hiding a toxic, chaotic workplace. It is easier to say “fast-paced” than “out-of-control.”
2.“We don’t ask employees to suck our dicks.”
Then why say that? If a hiring agent states this up front then there was likely a serious dick sucking problem at the office in the recent past.
3.“Comfort with abusive prison situations a plus.”
Don’t fall for this one. You may feel you can handle an abusive prison situation, but this is purposely phrased to be very broad and could include all manner of abusive situations. Ask yourself: “Am I really comfortable in an abusive prison situation?” If the answer is No, then move on to the next job description.
4.“Must suck dicks daily.”
Companies often use this phrase if sucking dicks is a large part of the job. Many job-seekers gloss over this and continue reading the description for benefits and sick leave, but don’t ignore this. It means you will be sucking dicks. Daily.
5.“No pay for dees job. You do it free. Good? Then you hired.”
Who would hire someone in a job description, without ever even meeting them? Think about that for a second. Also, it sounds like they don’t pay you.
6.“Size of asshole must be verified before an offer will be made.”
You need to ask yourself why a potential employer would need to measure your asshole before hiring you.
7.“Limited compensation for those not willing to join clowning guild.”
We’ve seen this one a lot lately and fear it has something to do with clowns.
8.“Are you a motivated, self-starter, who has an executive presence? Want to suck some dicks? We’re looking for someone who will grow with our company.”
Again, the dick sucking requirement is buried in the text. You have to read this stuff carefully.
9.“Salary commensurate with experience. Sucking dicks.”
See what they did? If you hadn’t read this article you’d probably be out there sucking dicks.
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