Closing the big deal: what not to do.

 
These five common errors can cost you at the most crucial moment.
 
The big deal. The moment you’ve been waiting for, building for. It’s the moment when everyone is in the room. The big players. The decision makers. You get only one shot at this and if you do it right, you close the deal. If you fail, it’s over. Forever.
 
Believe it or not, closing the big deal is not as hard as it seems, as long as you avoid these five common mistakes.

1. Wear a belt/bra. If you’re a man, make sure you wear a belt to any important meeting, let alone a deal closing. If you don’t wear a belt, your pants tend to sag, or, in the worst cases, can even begin to fall down. Don’t let this simple fashion tool slip your mind. Similarly, if you’re a woman, remember to wear a bra. If you don’t, your nipples may show, or your breasts may sag. And this can be a fatal distraction to others who are there to sign a deal – not look at your boobs.

2. Don’t smoke. We know there may be some debate on this, but as of this year (2018) smoking is not allowed in most offices, restaurants, and even hotels and bars. If you decide to light up during a big deal closing, it may offend some in the room. It also may be flat out illegal, so beware.  

3. Don’t pee your pants. Literally. If you need to use the bathroom, simply ask, politely, if you can be excused for a moment. Then, get up, leave the room, and search for a bathroom. This should be easy in most office buildings, but if you can’t find one right away, simply ask someone in the area if he or she can point you in the right direction. If you can’t find anyone then, I guess, just piss yourself. Just don’t re-enter the big deal signing room right away afterwards. Linger somewhere for a while first.

4. Avoid speaking “made up” languages like Clingon or Orcish. We know, some people will be offended that we call them “made up,” but the harsh reality is that most people in the business world will not understand you if you speak a language derived from a television series or book. Don’t learn this the hard way by opening your final pitch in Dothraki.
 
5. Never threaten people in the room. While it’s probably all right to mutter something under your breath, we recommend leaving all feelings of anger, resentment, and murderous rage at home so you can enter the meeting with a fresh, open hearted perspective. When you’re in a room with important business leaders, it is often frowned upon to suggest you will kill one of them. Just save that for chatting with your friends in the bar after you close the big deal.