Doing business in Europe? Don’t do any of these 16 things. (We found out the hard way).

When doing business abroad, it’s easy to forget where you are and come off as “insensitive” to local customs. The Intergalactic Business Report prides itself on its cultural awareness and for years has invested in studies that explore the subtleties of overseas traditions and behaviors.  
 
This week we offer you insights into Europe and what to avoid doing when you’re there. Much of our seemingly normal behavior back home can be read as insulting in many of the uptight countries you may visit.
 
These 16 common blunders could turn your business trip into an international incident, so beware:
 

1. Never touch people’s family members.
2. Don’t touch people with your penis unless you are asked to.
3. Don’t pee in people’s drinks.
4. Avoid masturbating in restaurants.
5. Don’t ask people if their mothers are free to have sex with you that afternoon.
6. Don’t poop in public fountains.
7. Try to not throw food on the floor when you’re finished with it.
8. Don’t wear Hitler tee shirts.
9. If someone says, “Hello, nice to meet you,” don’t scream gibberish at them.
10. Try to not eat your boogers in front of everyone.
11. Don’t have sex with people’s bicycles.
12. Don’t assault someone who has French fries you think look tasty or good.
13. Don’t claim to be Jesus.
14. Don’t take pictures off the walls in museums.
15. Don’t eat a banana seductively on a train while maintaining eye contact with other passengers.
16. Don’t take showers at people’s houses if you don’t know them and they didn’t let you in the house.