Ever wonder what really rich people do that you don’t, besides basically everything? The Intergalactic Business Report uses its deep relationships with the super wealthy to reveal what’s hot at this moment with people who have so much money they forgot the rest of us are alive.
1. In flight living. A number of very rich people have taken to living entirely in the sky on super expensive jumbo jets that hold every amenity imaginable. These planes are able to refuel in the air and even have basic maintenance done so that the elite can spend up to 300 days of the year flying around with their family members and guests, who must sign on to remain in flight for close to an entire year.
2. Epic battle recreations with real humans. Although the super wealthy people we spoke with said they don’t have time to study history in depth, they do enjoy staging recreations of epic battles they know a little about. For example, Waterloo, Thermopylae, and the ultra-expensive Normandy invasion. Thousands of “actors” are enlisted to wage combat as the wealthy “generals” hang out together at a safe distance and watch their armies clash. Because these battles take place in areas where local officials permit them, death is frequent, making the experience even more realistic and satisfying.
3. Po’ boy sandwich eating contests. Sandwich eating contests are in vogue among the elite, but they never eat the sandwiches themselves, not even ironically. Instead, actual poor people are hired to eat the sandwiches for them.
4. Trying to contract scurvy. Avoiding vitamin C for months can bring about scurvy and this is now considered a status symbol among the mega rich. We were told that “only poor people want vitamin C” and that bulging eyes, loose teeth, and scaly skin are seen as “hot” and “next level fashion” by the rich.
5. Urban camping. The next time you see an encampment of homeless people under a bridge or in an alley, look for Gucci bags and designer tents amid the misery and hunger. This is because the rich have taken to “urban camping” in which they live in the city, outside, for an evening or two. For security, butlers and guards often create a perimeter around their employers’ tents and taze anyone who approaches them.
6. One-time use washing machines. If you want a great deal on a washing machine, look in a rich person’s garbage (if you can get close enough without getting tazed, picked up by police, or both). The current trend is to use washing machines once and then replace them the next day. We were told that on the second wash, clothes tend to “smell of poverty.”
7. Hiring actors to recreate their weddings, so they can experience what the guests did. Watching the video just doesn’t cut it anymore. Rich people will sometimes join their own recreated weddings as the best man, father of the bride, or the drunk uncle.
8. Not calling it “money.” Evidently, it is not only gauche to talk about money but also to call it money at all. Other terms have taken over, such as “diamond credits” and “funyuns." Example sentence: "Daddy put more diamond credits in my account because the yacht dealer said he needed more funyuns."
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