Many people don’t understand the Intergalactic Business Report and we receive an overwhelming amount of queries about our practices, motivation, and existence. Today, we share the most common questions and provide answers too. You’re welcome.
Q: Why do you allow writers who clearly have mental problems to have a forum for their paranoia and unhealthy fantasies?
A: Freedom of speech?
Q: Why do so many of your articles quickly devolve into something about sucking dicks?
A: Why do so many of your dates?
Q: Is there any writing talent at all at the Intergalactic Business Report?
A: Talent is a dish best served cold. Also, no.
Q: Why would you call yourselves the “Intergalactic Business Report.” What a dumb as fuck name.
A: Our proofreader says she’s pretty sure “dumb-as-fuck” is hyphenated.
Q: I tried to read one of your articles, but it was so fucking stupid I stopped.
A: And yet you took the time to tell us that.
Q: I am a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist. May I write for your publication?
Q: I go poopie in my pants. I eat Taco Bell.
A: Would you like to write for us?
Q: I am from another universe where the Intergalactic Business Report is the journal of record. Why do so many people in your universe not appreciate it?
A: We’ve been there. Please say hello to King Dick Slapper and give him our regrets that we missed the Royal Feast at Taco Bell.
Q: I can only feel alive if I’m covered in lotion. What am I doing wrong?
A: Remember this is a marathon and not a sprint. Someday it will pay off.
Q: Your memes feature abusive kitty cats and drunk mothers. Could you do something more upbeat?
A: That’s not upbeat?
Q: Not really a question but it’s time to start sucking some dicks.
A: Go for it.
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