Four items you should add immediately to your résumé.

These four entries will catch any recruiter’s attention and put you on the fast track to an offer you can’t refuse.
 
1. Bounty hunter. Not only can you track down leads, data, and talent, but you can track down bail jumpers and fugitives. And since there’s practically no way to prove you haven’t worked as a bounty hunter, your future employer will just have to take your word for it.
 
2. Warlord. Yes, this implies that you have had people killed for denying your slightest whim or trying to escape your compound. But it also shows that you have been in a high stress, top leadership position, where your decisions could be the difference between life and death. It also implies that you have no problem killing your interviewer if he/she doesn’t immediately hire you. Bonus!  

3. Ass sniffer. Use this one to break the ice and inject a little humor into the interview. When your future employer asks you about this entry, simply cross your eyes (to show your zany appeal) and disappear under the table, only to reappear by his/her ass, which you sniff. The room will erupt in laughter and you may get an offer on the spot. People like working with funny people. Always remember that.
 
4. Dirty cop. Yes, they can probably find out that you never served as a cop, and claiming to have done so is probably a punishable offense by law. We guess… But, if they don’t check, and take your word for it, this shows that you were a leader who not only knows the streets, but also can hide evidence, intimidate rivals, and who will do virtually anything for money. Ba bam! You’re on the fast track to upper management at any corporation!