Steve Jobs once said something about job interviews and you can look that up and read it somewhere. Or you can do what elite people do and read the Intergalactic Business Report.
Instead of posting requotes from dead zillionaires and pretending it has something to do with us, we do first time quotes from ourselves and then pretend it has something to do with us.
Today we tackle job interviews. You go into them putting on your best fake persona and hoping it will take people more than an hour to see you’re a terrible person. But if you use any of the following ice breakers, people will find out you’re a terrible person much earlier.
Below, we give you the 5 most common icebreakers that you should never say to open a job interview.
1. “Great weather we’re having, right? It’s so hot I might have sex with a prostitute.”
2. “I really like your tie. Did you get it at a European sex shop where they have illegal shit going on all the time?”
3. “I’m so happy to be here. You guys look like you just slapped each other around at an orgy. Am I close?”
4. “How are you? You may not want to shake my hand. I think I got it caught inside my ass while I was trying to wipe myself. Do you wipe your ass too?”
5. “What an impressive building this is. I bet prostitutes give you a discount when you take them back here to have sex with them.”
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