When it comes to interviewing, losers lose it and winners win (it). It, meaning the job. The following advice is for the losers, because if you’re a winner, you have no reason to read this. Instead, just keep getting every job you apply for and sleep with people whenever you feel like it. And roll around in money on your boat.
Now, back to you, loser. Wonder why you’re blowing the big interview? If it isn’t the dumb crap flowing from your mouth, it may just be your body language. So, next time you swing around an office chair at the conference room of dreams, look your future boss in the face and DO NOT use these three body language suicide moves:
1. Holding your crotch. Sure. Usually this is fine. Sometimes it’s even more than that. But believe it or not, in an interview setting, touching your private parts can be considered offensive, sexually aggressive, or even unsanitary. Instead, place your hands on your nipples, where they are in full view and suggesting nothing. Twist them to keep your hands in place.
2. Hitting yourself. This means anywhere: in your face, your crotch, your ass – anywhere. As much as you feel like it, hold back your desire to forcefully punish yourself and just act as if your interviewers have your full attention.
3. Leaning forward and grunting or squealing. Yes, this can feel good and you probably do it at the beach, lunch, and dinner. But not here. Not in front of people interviewing you for a job. Apparently, they see this as displaying mental illness or having some kind of an “episode” or “attack.” Easy solution: sing instead of grunting. And dance instead of leaning forward. Now you’re showing talent, not insanity.
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