You’ve finally completed your email. It’s ready to go. Almost… You just need to find a way to sign off and add your name. It seems simple, but as you consider the possibilities, your anxiety takes over. Do you say, “Thanks”? Weak. Or maybe, “Sincerely”? Is this a letter you wrote to your pen pal in first grade? You want to say, “Love” but this isn’t to your mom.
So what do you do? You could just stop using email or you could listen to our recommendations for how to not only sign off with confidence, but to do it with power you aren’t qualified to wield. Below, the Intergalactic Business Report lists nine psychologically tested ways to end that email and make the recipient your bitch.
THE POWER WARNING SIGN OFF:
If you tell anyone about this, I’ll know,
THE LEAVE THEM WANTING MORE SIGN OFF:
Willing to suck your dick,
THE HIGH PRESSURE SIGN OFF:
Yes, this is a murder threat,
THE PROXIMITY REMINDER SIGN OFF:
I can be at your house in five minutes,
THE HOPELESS ROMANTIC SIGN OFF:
Willing to go to prison for love,
THE “GET OUT OF YOUR HOUSE” SIGN OFF:
This email is coming from inside your house, GET OUT NOW!,
THE STRAIGHT UP HONEST SIGN OFF:
I can’t make you love me, but I can hold you in my basement,
THE MYSTERIOUS SIGN OFF:
No one wants to see dead kittens so don’t test me,
THE REFERENCE TO A RAP SONG THAT DOESN’T EXIST SIGN OFF:
Money, bitches, mint chocolate chip ice cream,
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