Self-sabotage is a real thing and we do it more often than we know. When you’re at the office, you may think you’re being humble or magnanimous when you’re actually behaving like a little bitch.
The Intergalactic Business Report isn’t sure you deserve this information, but we’re going to give it to you anyway. If you want respect at work, stop saying these common phrases today:
1. “I am not worthy of your respect. I formally request that you stop respecting me. Or respect me just to show disrespect for my request to disrespect me.”
2. “Oh my god I suck. Does everyone here understand that?”
3. “You know that Aretha Franklin song about respect? Whatever the opposite of that is, please sing it to me. Or don’t. You can also just ignore me and pretend you don’t hear what I’m saying.”
4. “Please slap a real or figurative penis across my face.”
5. “I’m here to ask for a demotion because I really think my work has sucked this quarter.”
6. “Can someone please find a way to humiliate me in front of everyone? Thanks, Randy. Yes, you can slap me with your dick.”
7. “I don’t think I can fit all my self-hatred and insecurities in my butt, but I’m going to try.”
8. “Don’t forget to take your money out of my wallet before you throw it out the window of this Uber I’m paying for.”
9. “Is that some kind of a magic trick or did you take everything out of my office and give it to those hobos? Yup. That guy’s wearing my coat. Oh, and that one has my junior high participation trophy…”
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