THE INTERGALACTIC BUSINESS REPORT
  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR

Business news and advice that go beyond our galaxy.

Six alarming facts that prove money is everything.

10/15/2018

Comments

 
Picture
Every time you see your “best” friend get a promotion, buy a new summer house, or drive up in his sick new ride, you tell yourself that money isn’t everything. And that makes you feel better. For a second. Till you see him drive away in his Lambo to the coast for a beach bonfire party at his ocean view mansion. Then you feel sick. The surprising reason for your nausea is the topic of an exclusive investigation by the Intergalactic Business Report.

It turns out that money is everything, contrary to your fleeting and unrealistic attempt to rationalize your poorness. Don’t believe us? Consider these six facts.


1. Money provides you shelter, food, and entertainment. In contrast, your positive attitude, hopefulness, and kindness provide an empty void of nothingness that benefits no one and is swept away like a gnat in the wind.

2. Money pays for things that make us feel great about ourselves. Picture yourself drinking a huge fruity cocktail in a penthouse as you look down on the ant people beneath you. Money bought that. Fake pretending that you have it all because you've got “love” buys you a spot in a homeless shelter. If you get there on time.

3. Money can be used to influence, bribe, and change people’s minds about virtually anything. Example: Do you hate me? How about after I give you a million dollars? That’s what I thought. Now try this: Hate me? How about after I try to hug you with some of my “love”? Oh, you hate me more? We rest our case…

4. Money can make us better people. Think about it. How much does plastic surgery cost? How about private trainers, charm tutors, and a college education? Try doing any of that on a crossing guard’s salary.

5. Money makes waiters and waitresses wait on you. Do you think they’d be so nice and bring you food if you didn’t pay them? Now go eat some of your “love” and tell us how it tastes. Like shit? We thought so.

6. “Love” costs money. Remember the term “free love”? That was bullshit. Example: Do you love me? No? How about for a million dollars? Oh, you do now? Again, case rested.
Comments

    About

    The only business news in the universe that matters.

    Archives

    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    March 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

  • Home
  • About
  • Business
  • Culture
  • Insights
  • Best and worst
  • Hidden brand messages
  • Intergalactic thoughts
  • Mommy's Drunk again
  • Up for grabs
  • Secret Report
  • The best of IBR