The 7 crazy mistakes you’re making in your first job search.

When you’re starting out after college, finding your footing on a career track can be daunting. Interview questions that stump you, knowing what to wear, what to say, and how to act, are all major hurdles you need to jump if you want to succeed.
 
As part of its commitment to young professionals, the Intergalactic Business Report asked an expert* to give some of his best advice for people new to the workforce and seeking a first job. He outlined seven simple, but crucial tips, that we have listed below:
 
1. You look like shit. What the fuck is wrong with you?  You can’t walk into a job interview and look like a hobo. Do you have a fucking tattoo? Oh my god. Cover that shit. 

2. What’s going on with your hair? You look like a girl. If she was strung out on drugs and dated men like you.

3. I always knew you wouldn’t amount to much. But this is disappointing even for me.

4. When you think about how much money I spent to send you to college and you came out not being able to complete a sentence. Are you high or something? 

5. I don’t know… Maybe you should do manual labor. You can tell the guys at the construction site that you have a degree in something called “Contemporary Issues Management” and they can stare blankly at you. 

6. Your mom’s side of the family had a bunch of guys like you. All in mental institutions or drunk. If the job search doesn't turn out, call Uncle Warren. I'm sure he has a spot at his group home for you.

​7. I don’t know, Mark. Do you even want to work for a living? Do you? Because I think you’d rather just live in our basement and play video games and get high all day. 
 
*Mark’s dad.

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