The résumé is dead. Here are 8 alternatives innovative companies are using to hire instead.

Prepare to do corporate-safe stand up comedy where you explain what your tattoos mean.

What’s a résumé anyway? A piece of paper with some crap you made up written on it. Today’s most innovative companies understand that and are coming up with new ways to really test whether job applicants are a good fit for their culture. 
 
The Intergalactic Business Report spent hours speaking with top hiring managers who are changing the way they hire. So toss out your résumé and be prepared to do one of the following eight things:
 
1. Three minute “stand up” sets with jokes about the company that are super funny, but also follow the brand message and don’t insult any products, people, or are offensive in any way.

2. Felatio.

3. You explain what all your tattoos mean.

4. Applicants do a “one man” stage show of their lives.

5. Two minute “beat down” sessions, where current employees attack potential employees for one hundred twenty seconds in a conference room. Then they rate the applicant’s attitude during the assault.

6. “Ghost” pottery sessions where your potential boss sits behind you while you create a bowl or something on the wheel.

7. Unsanctioned psychological tests where you walk into an interview and they tell you to kill someone or you will be killed. 

8. Controlled circle jerks with referees.