The Intergalactic Business Report’s owners and editors did some soul searching by taking inspirational business wizard Gary Vaynerchuk’s advice and living it, sometimes through our interns.
The breakthroughs we made and conclusions we came to were life-changing and pants-rattling. Thank you, Gary V. See what we learned, below:
GARY V. ADVICE: "Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself, what do I want to do every day for the rest of my life… do that.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: It was helpful that we were looking in a mirror when we thought about this because what we really want to do for the rest of our lives is masturbate in front of a mirror every day.
GARY V. ADVICE: “Stop trying to fix the things you’re bad at and focus on the things you’re good at.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We accepted that we are untalented, porn and alcohol addicted losers whose greatest talents are to eat Taco Bell and take long, nasty dumps in other people’s bathrooms. We feel better now that we’ve found our focus.
GARY V. ADVICE: “Stop hanging around people who don’t want to win.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We cut ourselves off from our families, because they have zero interest in winning. Especially the smaller children who can't even win at putting food in their mouths. Get a bib. Fucking losers.
GARY V. ADVICE: “There no longer has to be a difference between who you are and what you do.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We realized we are serial masturbators who like to take dumps in other people’s houses. That’s who we are and that’s what we do.
GARY V. ADVICE: “The game is my drug.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We asked several drug dealers for “the game.” One of them gave us something we think was part PCP and something else. We spent several hours on “the game” and one of us ate part of a mattress we found in a crack house.
GARY V. ADVICE: “Get addicted to losing.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: Casinos were great for this. We lost everything. Borrowed more. Then lost that. I guess we’re addicted. But it’s tough because now we need more money to fulfill that addiction. Looks like we’re going to be sucking dicks for money again. Oh well.
GARY V. ADVICE: “We love displays and symbols and stuff that quickly and silently tells the world who we are. Better yet, we love visual reminders of who we want to be.”
HOW WE LIVED IT:
GARY V. ADVICE: “If you live for the weekends and vacations, your shit is broken.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: It’s true. We live for the weekends and after taking dumps, we realized that our shit was indeed broken. Very few pieces were contiguous, and even those seemed pinched off or incomplete.
GARY V. ADVICE: “I’m just always looking forward. I spend very little time looking backward”
HOW WE LIVED IT: This made it really really hard to drive. Especially in rush hour traffic.
GARY V. ADVICE: There’s no reason in 2014, to do shit you hate. NONE.
HOW WE LIVED IT: Fuck. It’s almost 2020. We did so much shit we hated in 2014.
GARY V. ADVICE: “There’s no reason to do things you hate. None.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We fucking hate working. Hate it. We’re done with that now. Also, we hate trying, executing, coming up with new ideas, telling our stories, and hustling. Fuck that stuff.
GARY V. ADVICE: “I’m grinding when you’re sleeping.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We thought we felt something next to us last night. How the fuck did you get in our bedroom?
GARY V. ADVICE: “How bad do you want it?”
HOW WE LIVED IT: Considering we just lie there while you grind on us, we guess not very bad.
GARY V. ADVICE: “Social media marketing is a 24/7 job.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We made it 73 hours before having hallucinations.
GARY V. ADVICE: “Complaining is unattractive.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: We hired models to say things like, “Is this almost over?” and “Can we leave now?” (Actually they came up with those on their own). They still seemed pretty attractive.
GARY V QUOTE: “Don’t do things because I do them.”
HOW WE LIVED IT: Fuck. Why didn’t we read this one first?
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