With 436 trillion readers, the Intergalactic Business Report doesn’t have to worry about how many Facebook, Instagram, or Grinder followers it has. But you do. That’s why we’ve decided to unlock the secrets to getting likes, shares, and follows on a level you probably can’t even understand.
In a world of noise, clutter, and attention seeking narcissists, it’s difficult to break through and let everyone on the planet know that your narcissism is more important than theirs. Below, we give you 7 tips you can use today to gain millions of followers in an instant.
Post content so important that people feel they need to see it or they’ll die.
Ask yourself this simple question: If you had a choice between clicking on something and dying, would you do it?
Never post anything that won’t get at least a million views.
We hold really firm on this one. If it will only get 700,000 views, you’re doing something wrong. Keep re-working it till it gets to a million. You’ll thank us for it.
Create a magic wand that when you wave it, people become your zombie slaves. Now wave it on your social media pages.
This is probably the most obvious advice, but you’d be surprised how few people do it.
Combine all the Instagram accounts in the world and make them into one account. Then make that your account.
This only works for Instagram, so don’t try it with Facebook, or Tumblr, etc.
Build a lair and capture the world’s biggest social media influencers. Tell them to follow you. If they don’t, they stay in your lair.
You don’t even need your lair to be that great. It could be your basement.
Film yourself removing your head and then putting it back on. Then post it.
But only if it will get a million plus views. See above.
Shift between alternate universes and stop on the one where you have a million followers.
We recommend you do this fast enough in case you stop in the one where you’re Hitler and they arrest you.
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