I hang out with rich people: volume 2

Three secrets about the super-wealthy that you might never understand.
 
I don’t like to brag because I don’t need to. My life is pretty awesome and it’s mostly because I hang out with extremely rich people. By comparison, your life sucks. But that’s just by comparison. Without doing that your life could be fine. Just not amazing like mine.
 
Anyway, a few weeks ago I was at the private European estate of a close friend of mine (I won’t tell you where, and I won’t tell you who), and I was relaxing on one of those amazing patios that has a view of the whole waterfront of St. Tropez. I looked over to my friend, Alistar, and I said, “you’re so amazingly rich, aren’t you?” He totally agreed. 
 
Then it was time for some drinks. I was feeling a little rich myself, just being there in that environment, so I started ordering around the servants. (A side note here, because I always forget that readers often have no idea what it’s like to be rich or live an exclusive lifestyle. Rich people often have servants. These are people who run around and get you things, like all the time. They’ll get you drinks, clean up your room, and drive you places. Plus a whole bunch of other things. Apparently, though, you’re not supposed to ask them to have sex with you, because that’s considered illegal or something. Whatever.)
 
So I’m totally bitching at this one guy, Salamo, or Salami, or something like that, because I never really take the time to learn servants’ names. I’m screaming, “get me a drink, motherfucker! Now!” and so on, and Alistar stops me. He tells me that I can’t do that stuff. And, of course, I ask, “what stuff? What was I doing?” That’s when he imparted to me these three secrets about the super wealthy that you’ll never believe or understand.
 
1. Super wealthy people don’t yell at servants, usually, unless they steal something or kill someone. This one blew me away. I always just assumed that if you were rich, and someone worked for you, you just screamed at them all the time. Alistar said that in reality, you try to act almost nice to them and you pretend that they’re doing you a favor even though you’re the one doing them a favor by employing them. What? I know. It makes no sense. 
 
2. Rich people don’t always get away with murder. Again, I assumed that with enough money, you could pay your way out of anything. But apparently, sometimes it doesn’t work that way. I think Alistar told me this one because earlier I had asked if we could kill one of the servants and he said no. At the time, I thought it was because this particular servant was the one who brought us drinks and food, but in actuality his opposition had more to do with local laws that were in place to prevent one person from killing another one. Weirdly, this applies to all human beings whether they are rich or poor. Well, that’s the French for you, I guess. 

3. You can’t sell servants. What? This one really pissed me off, because I had met a guy in the city who wanted to buy some and I had already promised him at least two. Again, French “law” prohibits this.  

At this point, as you can imagine, I was getting really frustrated. And I think instead of telling you three secrets about the super wealthy, I could just give you one, that encompasses them all:

Rich people make up bullshit and often try to justify that bullshit by saying there is some obscure “law” that prevents them or you from doing whatever.  As Alistar rambled on, I sipped my drink that Salami had finally brought me. I thought to myself, “one thing that super wealthy people have more of than money is their endless blathering words.” Time to get drunk and tune out, I realized as the sun hit my face and I slowly fell asleep. If I dropped my drink and it spilled all over the patio, some fucking servant would clean it up. If it wasn’t too much trouble that is! 
 

Darryl Smurten is an expert on the lives and lifestyles of super wealthy people. His own life consists of hanging out with these people and garnering insights and secrets about them.