Summer is upon us and that’s prime time for cool, laid back dudes. They’re the guys who coast through life with a smile and a tee shirt you’d never wear because you’re not cool or laid back enough to wear it. They tell you that you worry too much or that you need to “chill.” Why can’t you be that laid back or cool? Lucky for you, the Intergalactic Business Report offers you 10 tips for transforming yourself today.
TIP ONE: Talk about drinking margaritas all the time and then when someone offers you a drink, do the thing where you’re pretending an invisible person is twisting your arm.
TIP TWO: You absolutely need to wear dumb looking shirts that call attention to yourself and say, “Look at me. I didn’t make this shirt, but I’m taking credit for it by putting it on my body.” Hawaiian shirts are the easiest fix, but we recommend tee shirts that say things like, “Sandy Dog Grill, Key West Florida,” or just have a pirate flag.
TIP THREE: Wear stupid sandals no one else would ever wear and have a stupid story behind them like some famous surfer gave them to you before he died and told you to hang loose forever.
TIP FOUR: Learn how to use hacky sacks and frisbees.
TIP FIVE: Say stuff like: “No worries,” and “I’m just chillin’.”
TIP SIX: Always act like you have a ton of wisdom about women and relationships by just laughing when someone says he’s getting divorced and knowingly scratching your soul patch when someone says he’s in love. When actual women are around just offer to get them a margarita and leave because you have no game whatsoever.
TIP SEVEN: Perfect the “easy come, easy go” attitude by shrugging your shoulders when anything devastating happens in your life. Then just say, “Shit happens. I’ll be cool.” Do this after getting fired, finding your girlfriend in bed with another dude, or when your home is robbed by Japanese tourists.
TIP EIGHT: Always cry somewhere no one can see you. Your pain must be hidden at all times.
TIP NINE: Only sleep in a hammock.
TIP TEN: When people ask you if you know Jimmy Buffet personally, always act like you do by saying something like, “He’s always just been little James Buffet to me,” and then walk away before they can ask any further questions. If they corner you about it later, just keep saying, “Hey, I’ll go make you a margarita,” and then leave.
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