We talked to one of America’s leading ass-wiping experts* and asked him what the most common ass-wiping errors are. Next time you’re done with your dump, be sure not you’re not doing any of these:
1. You use invisible toilet paper that only exists in your mind.
2. You wipe just your butt cheeks and not your butthole.
3. You scoot across your floor, hoping to clean yourself.
4. You lie face down in your front yard with your pants off, waiting for a rainstorm to give you a natural bidet.
5. You just stand there and scream for your butler to come wipe your ass, but he never comes, because you don’t have a butler.
6. You think your ass is self-cleaning and you just say, “Clean ass… Sanitary mode.”
7. You confuse your ass with your face and blow your nose.
*Some guy at a bar.
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