Breaking Science News: The universe is turned inside out.

Scientific reports have just announced that our universe has turned inside out and is now the reverse of what it was. 
 
Here are 11 things that will change immediately:
 

1. You don’t suck.
2. People like you.
3. Things you say are considered “smart” and “funny” and not “stupid” and “lame.”
4. You aren’t broke. 
5. People other than yourself want to have sex with you.
6. You are successful.
7. The clothes you wear fit.
8. When you high five people they eagerly meet your palm with theirs instead of giving you a look of revulsion and recoiling in terror. 
9. People you went to high school with make eye contact with you and don’t pretend they’re on the phone and looking in the opposite direction.
10. Your dog shows you affection.
11. You are able to have three drinks without trying to touch other people and cry.