China anal swabbing Japanese for COVID-19. We tell you how to get yours.

Want it in the butt instead?

If you’re Japanese and enter China you may be tested for COVID-19—IN YOUR BUTT. When we heard this, we immediately wondered why the U.S. doesn’t test this way and whether we could receive our next COVID test anally instead of in our nose.
 
Turns out, America has a growing number of sites that offer an anal test. If you prefer taking it this way, you may want to see our list of anal testing centers that may be near you. 
 
 
U.S. COVID ANAL TESTING SITES:
 
Hobart Nebraska. Jeff Berger’s basement. 
Jeff will probe your butt. You don’t even need to sign up in advance. Just knock on the door to his basement walkout and say you want it (your test) in the ass.
 
Muncie Crossing, Alabama. Darryl Styce, mobile service.
Darryl moves around a lot. But you may see his van parked in the Muncie Crossing metro area, usually by a high school or a senior care facility. Just approach Darryl and tell him you take it (your COVID-19 test) in the ass and can he give it to you.
 
Surrey, Idaho. That dude who’s a janitor or something. 
There’s a guy in Surrey, Idaho who looks like a janitor because he wears a uniform and carries a mop, even though no one’s ever seen him actually doing custodial work anywhere. One thing he definitely will do though is give it (a Coronavirus test) to you in your asshole. 
 
Kentucky. Pretty much anywhere. 
Kentucky has by far the most free anal testing sites in the U.S. Just ask anyone if they can do it (give a COVID-19 test) to you in your butt. 
 
(In the) Butte, Montana. 
This city gained international attention when they first started anal testing of farm animals in the 1930s. Now they do it to humans.

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