Confused about Critical Race Theory? Get ready for Critical Sock Theory and Critical Window Replacement Theory.
Before you give your opinion about Critical Race Theory, you may want to know what it actually is, suggest many academics. We talked to Professor of Critical Studies Dr. Charles DeMize who explained to us that Critical Race Theory has been overshadowed by newer critical theories, like Critical Sock Theory and Critical Window Replacement Theory.
INTERVIEWER: First off, tell us a little about Critical Sock and Critical Window Replacement Theory.
CHARLES DeMIZE: These both came out of the private sector. In particular from sock and window companies.
INTERVIEWER: So, these aren’t academic theories?
CHARLES DeMIZE: They are now. I follow them both very closely and teach courses on them. They are mostly about seeing the world through the lens of socks or windows.
INTERVIEWER: Can you give me an example?
CHARLES DeMIZE: Well, take a historical event. Like the Mayflower coming to America. There weren’t a lot of windows on that boat. But, most people were wearing socks.
CHARLES DeMIZE: Socks. Think about how many people wear socks. Think about how many windows there are in the world that need to be replaced. They’re old. They need repair. But the best solution may just be to replace them with new ones.
INTERVIEWER: I guess I don’t follow what that has to do with the Mayflower.
CHARLES DeMIZE: As I said, the Mayflower had some windows, but they were small and old and if they had been replaced, by, say, a company like Andersen, the colonists may have had a totally different outlook. Also, all of them were wearing socks.
INTERVIEWER: That’s the basis of Critical Window Replacement Theory?
CHARLES DeMIZE: And also Critical Sock Theory. Can you imagine if those settlers had the kinds of sock choices you get today? They only had one, maybe two pairs of socks. Today, most people have tons of pairs.
INTERVIEWER: I hate to say this, but so what?
CHARLES DeMIZE: Oh, are you not wearing socks or something?
INTERVIEWER: Of course I am.
CHARLES DeMIZE: And do you not have windows in your house?
INTERVIEWER: Of course I do.
CHARLES DeMIZE: Then shut the fuck up.
CHARLES DeMIZE: Yeah.
INTERVIEWER: You’re a professor?
CHARLES DeMIZE: And I wear socks.
INTERVIEWER: Yeah, everyone does.
CHARLES DeMIZE: See?
INTERVIEWER: See what?
CHARLES DeMIZE: See through that window over there. If there wasn’t a window, you’d be staring at a huge fucking wall.
INTERVIEWER: This makes no sense.
CHARLES DeMIZE: I see the world through the lens of socks and replacement windows.
INTERVIEWER: But that seems so stupid. The world isn’t about socks and windows.
CHARLES DeMIZE: You’re denying there are billions of socks in the world?
INTERVIEWER: It just seems there are more important things to focus on than socks or windows.
CHARLES DeMIZE: George Washington’s house. You could try to repair those windows. Or you could use the technology they have today that could give you energy efficiency and actually save you money on heating and cooling bills. They end up paying for themselves!
INTERVIEWER: Are you getting money from a window company?
CHARLES DeMIZE: It’s a window replacement company.
INTERVIEWER: And socks?
CHARLES DeMIZE: Bombas are socks that offer not only fashion forward designs but also durability and comfort. You don’t get that from pilgrim socks.
INTERVIEWER: I think we’re done.
CHARLES DeMIZE: You can turn your back on history and ignore reality if you like.
INTERVIEWER: You’re insane.
CHARLES DeMIZE: You have shitty socks and shitty windows.
Insights are given to you as a gift from our team of insight insiders.