Ed Mountaineer interviews your mom for Father’s Day.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Ed Mountaineer operates on his own, like a rogue agent (whatever that means). We do not endorse his views or support his lifestyle choices. We do print whatever he writes, but that’s not on us.
 
 
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: Thank you for agreeing to be interviewed.
 
YOUR MOM: Your welcome. Do I get paid for this?
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: No. It’s free.
 
YOUR MOM: That sucks.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: You what?
 
YOUR MOM: What?
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: Nothing. So, it’s almost Father’s Day.
 
YOUR MOM: I guess so.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: You don’t need to guess. I looked it up.
 
YOUR MOM: What do you want to talk about? I don’t have time for all this.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: I just wanted to say Happy Father’s Day, I guess.
 
YOUR MOM: But I’m not a father.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: No. But you’ve made a lot of fathers happy.
 
YOUR MOM: How’s that?
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: By having sex with so many of them.
 
YOUR MOM: Want to have sex with me right now?
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: I guess so.
 
YOUR MOM: Let’s do it.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: Arghh Annhh (sex noises).
 
YOUR MOM: OHHH Awwhhh (more sex noises but from your mom instead)
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: GAAAAAH! UNGAAAAH! (sex)
 
YOUR MOM: You’re the best, ED. The Best ever.
 
YOUR MOM: I want to marry you, Ed.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: I’m too busy.
 
YOUR MOM: That sucks.
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: I know.
 
YOUR MOM: How about more sex?
 
ED MOUNTAINEER: Sure, I guess.
 
 
Editor’s note: We stand by this being a 100% real interview with your mom. Also, it seems like your mom has a lot of issues to deal with, mostly the one about having sex with random men.