Eight tricks to become instantly attractive.
1. Have the type of face where people look at it and say, “Woah, that person is really attractive.”
2. Start not looking like the kind of person who most people wouldn’t have sex with even for a lot of money or on a dare where someone says there’s no way you’ll fuck that dude and the person does it because she’s crazy and that’s her trigger to do self-destructive shit.
3. Seek out currently hypnotized people and tell them when they wake up they’ll think the first person they see is super attractive. Then snap your fingers and try to be right in their face when they come to.
4. Your nose.
5. Put your hands over your face like you’re experiencing a tragedy. When people ask what’s wrong, tell them you’re overwhelmed by how attractive you are.
6. Be hotter by making others around you not hot by comparison. For example, stand next to someone and smear poo on him. Then quickly put your poo hand in your pocket so it’s not visible. Now it’s between you and how you look and the other person who has shit all over his face.
7. Start an exclusive program that sounds too good to be true and features you becoming instantly attractive and everyone has to say, “Woah, how did that happen?” And you’re just like, “Yeah, pay for my exclusive program and find out how.” With this one you not only become instantly more attractive, you also might get rich. Bonus.
8. Instead of being conventionally ugly, rebrand yourself as unconventionally attractive.
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