Salmonella outbreaks. Manager’s “specials.” Expired meat and fruit. Every time you enter a grocery store, you’re taking a risk from which you may never recover. As scary as this sounds, there is a safe way to grocery shop, if you follow some basic rules.
Intergalactic Business Report health advisors* compiled a list of what you should never buy when you’re at a supermarket. Avoid theses commonly bought items so you can concentrate on other imminent threats to your existence.
1. Used dildoes.
2. Human feces.
3. Wild monkeys.
4. Boxed demons.
6. Clothing designated as “worn by a murderer.”
7. Books that claim to have mafia phone numbers.
8. Animal organs that grocers say “are interchangeable“ with human ones.
9. Fruit that have “sex holes” drilled in them.
10. Dick cheese.
11. Hotdogs that are already in the bun and look like penises and are presented by the butcher at waist level.
12. ABC gum.
13. Celebrity urine.
14. Rotisserie ass meat.
*”Advisor” technically means anyone who gives advice. “Health” refers to the kind of advice that was given.
Insights are given to you as a gift from our team of insight insiders.