We usually make decisions based solely on whether something sounds like a terrible idea or not. But new outcomes research reveals that you should probably reconsider what you used to think was a bad idea. Because it may actually be a great one. Below we list five typical bad ideas, whose real outcomes will surprise you.
BAD IDEA ONE: You and your friends have had too much to drink and decide to have a contest to see who can do the absolute dumbest thing that will ruin your life forever. The winner will receive seventeen dollars and a coupon for 50% off at a hair salon where hot women are supposed to cut your hair, but they’re not really hot at all.
YOUR FEARS: Because you are so drunk, you fear your idea will not be as good as one of your friends, specifically Phil Ratuliak, who is the absolute dumbest piece of shit friend you have. Phil will almost certainly come up with a better idea than yours.
ACTUAL OUTCOME: Phil decides to actually cut off his nut sack and wins the contest immediately. You are out three dollars and fifty-eight cents (your contribution to the award money) and you really need a haircut, will have to pay full price, and probably get it cut by the one guy they had to hire because if they didn’t they’d legally be considered a brothel (or something like that—you’re not a lawyer). While all of this sucks, you still have your nut sack. So, good news.
BAD IDEA TWO: You decide you need a new profession, and you’ve always been fascinated by witchcraft and voodoo. So you fly to Haiti with the hope of being an apprentice to whoever can cast spells and make people into zombies.
YOUR FEARS: Since you know nothing about any of this stuff, other than it seems really cool, you fear you will be made into a zombie yourself, or at least get mugged.
ACTUAL OUTCOME: Instead of becoming a zombie, you meet seven people who will become your best friends for the rest of your life. The only downside is that your life ends that weekend, when they kill you in a human sacrifice ritual. But how many people can say they have not just one, or two, but seven best friends?
BAD IDEA THREE: While at a gym, you decide to mock the super strong looking dudes who have much bigger bodies than you.
YOUR FEARS: You think that if you tell those guys to go fuck themselves and suggest that they work out all the time because they have small penises, they will fight you.
ACTUAL OUTCOME: They kick the living shit out of you. But the upside is that you never have to work out again because of the trauma from the event. When your doctor tells you that you need to exercise, you tell him the story and he has to shut his stupid mouth and let you get fatter. Win.
BAD IDEA FOUR: You have a headache and decide to perform emergency brain surgery on yourself.
YOUR FEARS: You are afraid that by doing surgery on yourself, and with no medical training whatsoever, you may mess up and make yourself into some kind of zombie or creature that kills people because it’s brain is fucked up. You also question whether this is an actual emergency because you just have a minor headache.
ACTUAL OUTCOME: You don’t even know the outcome, because the last thing you remember is making the decision to perform emergency brain surgery on yourself and then…
BAD IDEA FIVE: You decide to have extensive plastic surgery so that you resemble a human squirrel.
YOUR FEARS: You question this decision for three reasons. One: the surgery will eat up your entire life savings and also put you in debt. Two: you will look like a freak for the rest of your life. Three: you’re not really into squirrels.
ACTUAL OUTCOME: The procedure is not totally successful because you use a doctor who does the surgery in international waters on a tugboat. You don’t really look like a squirrel in the end and you are a hairy freak who people mistake for a bigfoot-type creature. But, while you are hunted by crypto-zoologists and guys who just want to make rugs out of your fur and mount you on their walls, you are kind of a celebrity. Which is good, right?
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