In recent years, several popular studies have concluded that money can only bring so much happiness to your life. They contend that after you reach a threshold of about $80,000 a year, you are not any more happy than someone making, say, a million (or more) a year.
But a contrary study commissioned by the Intergalactic Business Report says otherwise. In fact, our research concludes that not only do you need more than $80,000 a year to be happy, but the richer you are, the happier you are. Below we outline the reasons why.
80K PER YEAR:You can take one family vacation a year and you’ll probably be answering emails and making calls the whole time.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You’re on vacation as long as you want and can call other people who work for you and ruin their vacations.
80K PER YEAR: Once a month, you can go out for a nice dinner.
GAZILLIONAIRE: If you see something you want to eat walking down the street, you can order you butler to kill it and then have your personal Michelin chef skin and prepare it for you and then serve it on a table made of a living prostitute who uses her free hand to hold up a jar of cocaine for you to sniff.
80K PER YEAR: Christmas is a happy time where your family gathers and opens some modestly priced presents.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You pay people to skip Christmas with their families and make them become part of a live nativity scene on your massive estate. Then your rich friends hunt the characters, except for baby Jesus.
80K PER YEAR: After work, you grab a few beers with your buddies and maybe even join a bowling league together.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You can buy someone’s friends, pay them to shun him, and then buy a bowling alley where you have orgies while pin monkeys run around and bring you drinks.
80K PER YEAR: You own a place up North that’s been in the family for 50 years.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You own up North.
80K PER YEAR: Your family comes together when there’s a crisis and you grow closer.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You and your hookers come together during impromptu orgies and there’s never a crisis because you can buy your way out of anything. And you don’t grow closer to the hookers. They get older. You get new ones.
80K PER YEAR: When you die, your family surrounds you and you look back on a life well lived.
GAZILLIONAIRE: You cheat death by harvesting people’s organs and making yourself into a cyborg. Then, when you take a break from an orgy, you look back on the last 300 years and think about how fucking awesome you are.
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