Not showering is a thing now and you have questions. The Intergalactic Business Report uses science to explain exactly what happens to your body when you stop washing yourself.
1. You feel “stinky.”
This means that bacteria and dirt you’ve accumulated on your skin begins to make you feel unwashed and unclean and as if you are emitting a “stinky” odor to everyone around you.
2. You are stinky.
You are emitting a foul odor to everyone around you. It’s coming from your body that hasn’t been washed.
3. Your smell is what it smells like on French public transportation.
If you’ve never been to Europe or France, this is your opportunity to feel like you’re riding a subway there. Actually, it’s more of an opportunity for every human around you to feel like they’re whiffing the B.O. of multiple Frenchmen confined to a metal tube with no air conditioning. So in a sense, you’re giving a gift.
4. Hobos stop asking you for money because they think you’re one of them.
It’s kind of like in zombie movies where people cover themselves in zombie guts so they can travel undetected.
5. You give off a “I don’t give a shit about how I smell” vibe to anyone you encounter.
You immediately let people know that on a scale of one to ten of how much you care about how horrid the stank coming off your body is you can't even measure it anymore because you broke the scale when it smelled you.
6. You will never get mugged.
Criminals will smell you from distance and know you couldn’t possibly have any money. They also worry that any transaction with you may involve touching in which they may get leprosy or whatever it is that’s wrong with you.
7. You will never get laid.
Unless it’s with someone who emerges from a sewer and carries you away.
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