Do you hate when random people try to pick you up? Or are you someone who sleeps with anyone who asks to have sex with you? If you’re the latter, then stop reading now because this is irrelevant to you. Keep boning randos. But if you’re the former, read on. We list the ways you can defuse any of the 7 most common come ons below.
PICK UP LINE: “Do we know each other?”
DEFUSER:“Maybe. Do you work at the VD clinic? I’m there all the time.”
PICK UP LINE: “Hi. My name is Jerry.”
DEFUSER: “Hey, Jerry. I’m Borgnath. Me eat lotsa cheese. Go fart. Teeehheee teeeheeee.”
PICK UP LINE: “You come here often?”
DEFUSER: “I just pooped in my pants. Does that count?”
PICK UP LINE: “I just had to come over and talk to you.”
DEFUSER: “Clingdorp Durfuuzen! Freep! Freeeeep!”
PICK UP LINE: “Sorry if this is forward of me, but you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”
DEFUSER: “Sorry if this is forward of me, but I only have sex with raccoons.”
PICK UP LINE: “Can I buy you a drink?”
DEFUSER: “Only if they sell pee here.”
PICK UP LINE: “I think we were looking at each other earlier. I thought I’d say hi.”
DEFUSER: “Hi, future husband. My other brain, called Mandy, keeps telling me to kill you, but I’m gonna tell her to stop talking so loud! Shut the fuck up, Mandy! I’m not fallin’ for this again!”
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