The Intergalactic Business Report relies on science and scientific data and science, so when someone approaches us and says he can seduce anyone in the world 97% of the time, we listen.
A man who simply goes by the name, “The Master,” sat down with us to explain his system for attracting and retaining the world’s most desirable, physically attractive people (if that’s what you’re into. He can get ugly people too, he promises).
Below are excerpts from a seven-hour (and change) exchange.*
INTERVIEWER: Let me start out with a little skepticism. Why do you call yourself, “The Master”?
THE MASTER: It’s the title my students chose for me.
INTERVIEWER: You have students? Like a pedophile or something?
THE MASTER: No. Not like a pedophile. Like a teacher.
THE MASTER: They gave me the name because they consider me to be a master of the art of seduction.
INTERVIEWER: I’ve heard you use that word several times. Seduction. I’m not familiar with it, but if I had to guess it’s one of those combo words where it means suction and sedatives?
THE MASTER: What?
INTERVIEWER: Like you knock people out with a drug and then suck their dicks?
THE MASTER: No. No. Nothing like that.
INTERVIEWER: It’s your word, man.
THE MASTER: No. It’s not my word. It’s a very well-known word. Everyone knows it.
INTERVIEWER: Fine. Whatever. I’m just saying I would never drug someone and then suck his dick. I guess do what you need to do.
THE MASTER: But that’s not what I do.
INTERVIEWER: You get them drunk then? That’s still a drug. Technically.
THE MASTER: (Getting angry, like an angry man who drugs people and sucks their dicks) No! For the last time, I don’t do that. I use my mind. Not drugs. Not alcohol.
INTERVIEWER: Fine. Whatever.
THE MASTER: It’s just that when you say things like that, it could ruin my reputation. People will think things about me that aren’t true.
INTERVIEWER: How do you suck someone’s dick with your mind? I don’t get it.
THE MASTER: I don’t suck anyone’s dick!
INTERVIEWER: Then you’re not very good at this, are you?
THE MASTER: I’m leaving.
INTERVIEWER: To go find some drugs and dicks?
THE MASTER: (Gets up to go find drugs and dicks) You’re a horrible person.
(We had planned for this to be a several part interview. That didn’t work out.)
*Maybe more like 7 minutes.
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