Researchers find that wearing a mask makes you more attractive. The seven surprising reasons why.

Just as mask mandates are beginning to lift around the country, a new study commissioned by the Intergalactic Business Report reveals that wearing a mask can contribute greatly to how attractive you appear to others. In fact, masking makes you 70-100 times more desirable to others than when you wear nothing at all on your face. 
 
While there are many reasons why this is true, we take the top seven and share them with you today.
 
7 reasons wearing a mask makes you more attractive:
 
1. When you wear a mask, people can’t see your entire face, the wholeness of which presents a full, nothing-left-to-the-imagination image of what you actually look like. 

2. Prominent features, such as your nose, lips, chin, and mouth are covered. Those are probably your worst features, so viewers are left with your eyes, which are just meh, but way better than those other things. 

3. Your breath. It just stays in there. That’s good for everyone. That’s good for the environment. 

4. You’ve heard the term “Horror Show” and wondered what that is. It’s when people see your face without a mask on it. 

5. There’s a reason why “just the tip” is amenable to people. Seeing your entire face is like saying, “take the whole nasty thing.” 

6. In Beauty and the Beast, Beauty has sex with a monster. But it takes a while for her to get there. Not wearing a mask is like the Beast just showing up and whipping out his animal penis and doing a freestyle rap that never gets off the ground and he just keeps saying, “Uh huh… Uh huh… Yeah…”* 

​7. Wearing a mask makes you mysterious. Like maybe that dude with the mask on is super attractive underneath and can make all my dreams come true. And when it comes off, it’s like, Oh, that guy looks like my dad’s friend. I think it is my dad’s friend. Why is he at a college party talking to 19 year old girls? 
 
*We have no idea what the plot of Beauty and the Beast is other than a princess has sex with a gigantic monster. 

IBR MERCH