Have trouble sleeping? Use these 6 tricks developed by top secret agents to fall asleep in under one minute. Try them tonight and sleep tight.
1. Masturbate picturing yourself having sex with another version of yourself and your grandmother handing you stuff while you do it. This will turn your mind off within sixty seconds because it becomes so disturbing that you basically faint.
2. Drink so much that you feel like you’re going to pass out. When you reach that point, just start counting down from one minute.
3. Punch yourself in the face for sixty seconds.
4. Get someone else to punch you in the face for sixty seconds.
5. Close your eyes and pretend you’re in a canoe floating down a river. Then open your eyes and take a highly illegal sleeping pill that knocks you out immediately.
6. Shoot yourself with a tranquilizer dart or have a friend “hunt” you and yell, “Barry got out of his cage! Tell the other zookeepers!” Make sure he shoots you before a minute passes.
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