The Intergalactic Business Report often gives out columnists' contact information at the end of articles, just in case someone wants to get in touch, complain, or learn more. If you’ve ever read anything by Ed Mountaineer, you know he likes to have sex with funnel cakes and has deep-seeded issues with Ryan Reynolds.
Despite this, someone wrote an email to Ed. We have printed it below with Ed’s response in red.
SUBJECT: Ed Please Don't Leave Me Hanging in 2022
I realize schedules can fill up quickly but is there a time that works for you and your team to discuss how our dedicated team of software engineers can help you build custom software solutions?
Hi Bryan, this is a sex thing, right? Cool. Just checking. Yeah, my “schedule” fills up real quickly. Yes, I would like to do a tag team with your engineers and see if they can build me a solution to relieving my painful boner that won’t go away.
To break the ice, we suggest on-boarding our resource for a 40 hour trial period to start your collaboration with Us. This would allow you to see our engineers in action with minimum risks and no obligations.
Oh fuck yeah. Break that motherfucking ice, Bryan. On-board my ass. Do it hard. 40 hours? Shit. Yes, I want to see your engineers have sex in front of me. And I appreciate that there are no strings and I can detach myself emotionally and am not under contract to be a slave or whatever.
If this is something you’d be interested in exploring further over a brief call, let me know what time works best for you and I’ll share the calendar invite.
Not only am I interested, but I will show up at your house. Fuck the calendar invite and the phone call. I am ready to party.
Bryan xxxx (redacted)
Manager Customer Success
intend not to be bothered simply react with unsubscribe
Yeah… What the fuck does that mean?
Like yoghurt, we keep it cultured actively.