When you put the word “dark” in front of something, it’s instantly intriguing. We try it with some new words.

Hello, Darkness my old friend...

Dark Web. Dark money. Darkwing Duck. The word “dark” can make anything sound cool and sinister. Super creative minds have used this fact to make up all kinds of totally original names for anything they want to sound evil. 
 
Today, the Intergalactic Business Report uses this ad agency style brilliance to rename some other things that frankly need to have an evil version of themselves. Soon everyone will be referring to: 
 
 
Dark Cheesecake. That thing where the cheesecake goes bad.
 
Dark Doodoo. The poop that’s dark and you don’t want to touch it because you’d be touching not only poop, but the bad kind.
 
Dark Yoga. Like regular yoga, but the instructor only accepts cash and doesn’t report it to the IRS.
 
Dark Balls. Those things in your mom’s mouth.
 
Dark Grocery Shopping. When you go to the supermarket, but you don’t tell anyone and if someone says they saw you there you pretend that’s impossible because you were with a bunch of your close friends who always want to hang out with you and not buying Little Debbie snack cakes because you have a lot of friends and you don’t even eat that much anyway.
 
Dark Bunion. That thing on your foot. Better get it checked out.
 
Dark Underwear. When you shit yourself but don’t change. That’s what you’re wearing.
 
Dark Chess. Playing chess in pitch blackness so nobody knows what moves anyone’s making or even where the board is. And then someone punches you.
 
Dark Dingleberry. That thing stuck in your taint. How bad is your hygiene?

IBR MERCH