Never stay in a cheap hotel. Six steps to get the best rooms in the finest hotels*
For years, the strategy to save money on travel has been to find discounted rates through travel Web sites, or just simply stay in hotels where someone was murdered in your bath tub.
But new research from the Intergalactic Business Report shows that the secret to saving (and staying in luxury) is to book the most insanely priced rooms at the most lavish hotels and show up to “renegotiate” at the front desk. Just follow these six painfully easy steps:
STEP ONE: Let’s say you’re traveling to London. Find the most expensive hotel and book it for the full price.
STEP TWO: Arrive in London and go to your hotel. On your way, grab a sandwich at a deli or grocery store. DO NOT EAT IT. Just bring it along. At the check in counter, simply say: “I’m renegotiating the price on this room.”
STEP THREE: At this point, the clerk will probably pretend to not understand. This is what they are trained to do.
STEP FOUR: Take out the sandwich and push it gently towards the clerk. Then say again, calmly: “I am renegotiating the price.”
STEP FIVE: At this point, the clerk will probably take the sandwich and ask you what you want to pay. You just say: “Fifty bucks” or lower if you want. CAUTION: do not go below zero. Most hotels will not pay you to stay there, but will accept a rate of two or three dollars if you decide to lowball them.
STEP SIX: Enjoy your amazing suite at a five star hotel. Or, in the very unlikely case that the clerk does not accept the sandwich, acts like he doesn’t understand, or, even worse, like you’re crazy… Well then you need to pay full price. Again, probably won’t happen, but be prepared in case and just chalk it up to life sucking for you.
*Not guaranteed to work in any way. This has never been tried in real life and is theoretical. But it will probably work, because theories often become reality once a person tests them out. That person could be you.
Each year, The Intergalactic Business Report issues a celebrity ranking study, in which we use science, data, and polling research to determine which celebrities have the strongest brand and most influence. In addition, we run predictive calculations that tell us who has the best long term prospects and future earning power.
Although our system is proprietary, we can say that our overall rankings are determined through weighing categories such as likeability, physical looks, and what we see as the celebrity’s career trajectory and where it is headed at this moment.
This year’s study had some interesting results, which saw James S. Murray (known as “Murr” on the popular television show “Impractical Jokers”) finishing in second place overall.
See the full rankings below:
1. All celebrities ever (including Rip Taylor and Fatty Arbuckle, but minus Murr from Impractical Jokers).
2. Murr from Impractical Jokers.
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